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A nonsense Hellsing RP

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ONCE UPON A TIME... [01 Mar 2006|10:07am]


Oh, Anderson had heard whispers of it from time to time. But he had merely assumed it to be some myth about a legendary exotic Chinese cooling device.

It was not until he had gotten bored enough to go through Maxwell's laptop that he discovered a folder labeled "CONFIDENTIAL: MY FANFIC" that he discovered what it really was. Apparently, it was a venue for one to portray people you knew in a completely ridiculously false manner, and that appealed to him.

So the next day, he posted a free pad of paper from those insurance guys on the fridge and scribbled at the top:


15 in heaven nowSpeak with dead

AND WE'RE BACK [24 Feb 2006|04:53pm]


Jan was very disturbed. He had just got finished cleaning the blue room when he came across a
He cringed, then walked downstairs to the dining room where the other members of the household were awaiting dinner. He slammed the picture down on the table in front of them and shouted.

36 in heaven nowSpeak with dead

[20 Dec 2005|08:44pm]

[ mood | distressed ]

Yumi sat in the bathroom with a pile of glasses in front of her, a pair 'borrowed' from every member of the house that happened to own them.

Try them on! One of them HAS to turn us back to normal!

"Right, Right." Yumi said, starting with Integra's Glasses. Upon putting them on her nose, her hair became straight and spiky as well as blonde, and she felt the extreme urge to pick up a pack of Cigars.

She pulled them off her face, "Well.... that didn't work...." she started, picking up Walter's monocle.

Her hair became short, and she started to sag. She ripped the glasses off, and stopped to catch her breath.

Heinkel's Glasses gave her short brown hair, Rips left a large curl in her hair and somewhat flat chested, Doc's made her think in new lights of bondage, Maxwell's made suitcases under her eyes and gave her a receding hairline, Luke's were similar to Integra's, though the face could only be called 'Bishonen'. Renaldo's glasses.... let's not go there.

There was one left that she was willing to try.


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Ho, ho, ho.... [14 Dec 2005|06:05am]

"Come you Son of a....", Luke snarled yanking on a limb.

This insult was not directed at Jan, but the pine tree the blond vampire was struggling thru the door with.

Pausing to unhook a branch caught on the doorknob (and to check for misletoe....wasn't going to get caught under that, particularly by Alucard. Horny bastard probably has one of the room's ceilings covered in the stuff.

The image of the Hellsing vampire standing under a wall-to-wall covering of a parasitic plant and looking oh so very hopeful but not getting any from anybody put Luke in a better mood.

Humming 'Have a Holly Jolly Christmas', Luke and tree headed for the living room.
38 in heaven nowSpeak with dead

The un-noticed return of Van Winkle [27 Nov 2005|01:16pm]

[ mood | exhausted ]

Rip had returned to the house un-noticed. Her trip from Romania was a stressful one; her kid brother Samiel was terminally ill with accute bronchitis. With her mother gone to find medication, she was to stay at his bedside and do what she could to make him comfortable. Three days later, their mother returned with the medicine just in time.

Now home with her friends and who were no longer her enemies, she lazilly retreated to her room, dropped her suicase on the floor, and fell face first on her bed, mumbling the one word that had barely escaped her lips.


5 minutes before she was finally able to go to sleep, there was a small knock on the door.

(( Sorry I have been so scarce lately; school has been a pain in the arse, and I kinda forgot that I had this account :P))

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x X *dances* [26 Nov 2005|01:30am]

[ mood | silly ]

Seras had finally came back to the house after a very top secret misson (which involved killing mutant monkeys and flying space cows...but ssshhh, you didnt hear that from me.) Anyways, Seras was in a high stress mood and she needed a way to calm down. So, she ventured to her room and over to the cd player,where she popped in her Santana Supernatural cd and began to salsa and cha cha all over the room. Hoping this would help relieve stress.

Also hoping it would draw the attention of her very amusing boyfriend.

(excuse that I'm not on my rp name, its to much hassle at this moment to try and open it. lol ^.^)

34 in heaven nowSpeak with dead

RONALDO MAKES IT BACK HOME!!! [16 Nov 2005|09:40pm]

After several weeks of being gone from the house, Ronaldo finally returned, emotionally drained (not physically drained BECAUSE RONALDO IS TOO MUCH OF A MANLY MAN TO GIVE INTO PHYSICAL PAIN). He had been in Florida for the past few weeks fighting off HURRICANE WILMA. After struggling for several hours, Ronaldo finally was able to PUNCH WILMA IN DA FACE and send her into the Atlantic. But he had partially failed, most of South Florida was in ruins. Ronaldo cried for them, oh how sympathetic and heroic he looked.

Ronaldo had time to visit his biggest fangirl on his birthday and gave him a very special present to make up for him not having interent or friends to come over because there was no way to communicate with them.


He had also brought his mother with him because he needed her to help fight off Wilma with her SUPER BLACK WOMAN POWERZ© But she stayed behind to argue because she felt as if George Bush, along with his brother Jeb, DIDN'T CARE ABOUT BLACK PEOPLE. So, she stayed behind and argued like all black women do...

(((sorry for the stereotypes...)))

Ronaldo finally came back into the house and noticed that it was NOVEMBER 16TH! ...HIS BIRTHDAY! And yet, no one was there to greet him or wish him a happy birthday. This made him very emo inside. He began to cry and combed his hair to the side. Ronaldo got out his razor and began to cut himself... a few onions for him to eat. Why did it seem like no one remembered?

Ronaldo cried, but his hawtness made the tears evaporate into the air.


OMGZ I AM SO SORRY FOR BEING GONE FOR SO LONG D: My area was hit by Hurricane Wilma and I lost intarwebz for a week or so. Hope you all can understand ^^;
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BOREDOM MADE ME DO IT! [12 Nov 2005|08:30pm]
Jan entered a bedroom. It was late, and someone was in there, but due to the dim light and the mask he was wearing, he couldn't see a thing, just shadow. He snuck up behind the person as quietly as he could, then jumped on them, screaming like the idiot that he was.

Here is a picture of the maskCollapse )

(PS- Anyone can be the person Jan jumped on, I did that purposefully so that anyone could participate, if someone got there before you, you could be another person in the room with them. :3)
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HAPPY HALLOWEEN [31 Oct 2005|09:38am]

The house began to rumble.

It began to shake.

It began to shiver to its very foundations.

With a gigantic bearlike roar, the door to his bedroom completely ripped off the hinges, and Anderson stood, awesome and fearsome amidst the rubble. He glared as rocks and wood and lightning rained down around him. Then he let out another roar that rocked the house.

"CANDY!" he shouted.





And with that, he ran out into the hallway, resplendant in his Jacob Grimm outfit.

As soon as he left the room, he was, of course, determined to stay in character.

Besides the candy bit.
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ooc/nü [20 Oct 2005|10:10pm]

{{ Okay. Don't eat my face, but I'm going to Bakuretsu Con this weekend, and won't be able to update here until Sunday/Monday. *ZOMGGASPSHOCKHORROR!!1!~* I don't know how you'll all live without me, as I am such an essential factor to, well, life in general. Or something. Point is, my usual sluggish burst of activity won't happen this weekend. And I'm begging pleading asking nicely not to be randomly deleted or anything shady like that in my time of being in Vermont. I mean, come on. I'm going to the Big Hill. They have no internet on the Big Hill. Just trees. And sketchy old men who grin at inappropriate times. Anyway, the end. Catch you all on the flip side.

... I cannot believe I just called it "the flip side." Shoot me now. *wangst* }}
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Flu Season! [20 Oct 2005|11:24am]

[ mood | sick ]

((My explaination for missing a great deal of the RP))

Yumi sat in the living room, wearing some PJ's that she had borrowed from Seras (2 Cute 2B Evil <3) and watching TV. She haddn't been feeling well for a while, so she had taken an (extra long) nap.

She sat up and looked around for the house members, but immediatley laid back down and pulled the blankets up higher. She held her head and moaned as the room span around her, the piles of kleenex and cough syrup swirling around

It was the start of the epidemic.

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S**T is about to hit a fan [16 Oct 2005|10:03pm]

[ mood | drunk ]

After witnessing a couple of highly questionable and possibly illegal (in some states) sexual antics amongst the roommates followed by getting smooched (and liking/hating it) by Alucard, then threating (due to misplaced feelings regarding the smooching incident) Ronaldo with a mop (luckly the priest walked away before the situation got distasteful....a used mop shoved into your mouth is anything but delicious), then loosing nerve to ask Seras "Did your Master recently come-out?" (Luke was worried she was too navie to understand, would think he was refering to a coffin, and then it would take alot of embrassing explaining) coupled with Jan's being there and naked (always hard to talk about delicate matters with somebody nude around), Luke decided there was only two ways of dealing with his great sexual confusion and frustration -

1) Have nervous breakdown - swallow entire contents of medicine cabinet then sit in corner writing bad poetry.

2) Get drunk and stay that way.

Opting for #2, Luke went to his hideout in the garage, downed several bottles of red wine, then passed-out.

Coming too (thankfully AFTER Ronaldo's Mama's visit) Luke got drunk again but not to the point of passing-out.

This was BAD because that meant he was 'thinking' - Luke + drinking + thinking = TROUBLE!!!

Everything was fine with me until ate those damn muffins....felt 'funny' after the muffins....muffins must have aphrodisiacs in them to turn straight people gay, because I wasn't gay before the muffins....those muffins were made by that nun, whose a member of Iscariot....she kept following me around, bet to see if the muffins were having any effect....bet she took those pictures of Jan and me too....posted them on the site....Iscariot is Catholic, Cathlolic's don't like gays....I'm not straight (anymore) so now I'm going to worry about it all the time....those who don't eat the muffin's eat 'Ronaldo's' food that makes them physically sick....Ronaldo is a member of Iscariot....that's the plan....make the non-Catholics so very confused and or so physically sick they can't do much of anything making it easy for Iscariot to take over the World....I MUST PUT A STOP TO THIS AND SAVE PEOPLE AND MAYBE DOING THIS HEROIC DEED WILL MAKE ME LIKE GIRLS AGAIN!!!

Loading-up with several bottle of wine (in case he got sober), Luke staggered to the kitchen (completely oblivious to the fact that a few of the housemates were in there and eating ice-cream) and tried to set a stack of muffins on fire with Jan's lighter (couldn't remember how he wound-up with it since didn't smoke).

The muffins refused to burn, so Luke doused them with wine and tried again - but the muffins still refused to burn.

"DAMMIT!!", he drunkeningly snarled, still very much oblivious to the presence of the ice-cream eaters, "BURN YOU EVIL HOMEMADE CREATIONS OF YUMMINESS!!"

33 in heaven nowSpeak with dead

Ice Cream anyone? [15 Oct 2005|07:45pm]

[ mood | shocked ]

Cold was the refridgerator; Rip knew she shouldn't retrieve what was inside, due to her strict diet. But she just couldn't help herself; she was hungry. She looked around to see if anyone was watching. She opened the door to retrive the box of sugary goodness, grabbed a spoon from the drawer nearby, and settled herself on one of the stools in the kitchen.

She dipped the spoon in , and ate her prize: double fudged chocolate chipped icecream. While savoring the chocolatey treat, she didn't realize that a dark shadow was looming behind her. Suddenly, she caught the stranger in the corner of her eye, and screamed. (((I just recieved a message from our MOD that I couldn't add anyone w/o their consent, so I decided to change it a bit....oh and my appologies to the RPer that I mentioned earlier ^_^)))

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SWEEEEET DREAMZ [13 Oct 2005|04:23pm]

Ronaldo brushed his teeth, put on his gangsta' yet manly pajamas and tucked himself in next to his manly teddy bear (THAT HE STOLE FROM MR. BEAN! :O!). He fell asleep after saying his prayers in bed and began to dream about his days as a gangster priest in Compton. It looked like this. But suddenly, there came a knock on the door. Ronaldo got up and answered the door.

It was like something out of a nightmare. Ronaldo screamed for his life. The only person more powerful than him was standing right in front of him.

It was... HIS MOMMA (black woman on the left).
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[10 Oct 2005|06:35pm]

"," said Bubbancy.
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x X Never seem to find a reason. [09 Oct 2005|01:13pm]

[ mood | blank ]

Hiding away in her room, Seras had no idea of all the events that had been happening in the house. She was going through what some would call a "vampric depression." Her mind had been a mix of chaos and she was trying to figure out exactly what was wrong with her. Hiding out in her room was the only thing she could think of doing. She didn't want to be in contact with many, few were even allowed to speak to her. Mainly her roommates were the only one to see the depressed fledging vamp.

So there she stayed, listening to Seether and writing in her diary.

October 9th, 2005
1:22 p.m.

Dear Diary,

I don't know whats wrong with me. I feel like my world is falling apart and I'm sitting in a black hole. Maybe I'm just having a case of the blues or maybe something is wrong with me. I feel like I should talk to someone but, I'm not having much luck in finding anyone. They all seem to be caught in their own worlds and I don't feel like reaching out to them. I supposse it's for the best that I be by myself for awhile. Might help my mind. But I think I'll leave these lyrics as to what I'm feeling.

"I never reach my indecision
to let you see again all I give you
I'm sick of feeding your attention,
knowing I never did. I distress you
Taking and breaking and hating
I remember all you said to me now
Faking, forsaking and failing
my memories are all stained again
Let me get inside your head
Let me show you I'm prepared
Let me stick my needles in
And let me hurt you again."


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I AM YOUR NEW MOD, BOW BEFORE ME. [09 Oct 2005|01:59am]

Hello, I am the person who RPs as Father Ronaldo in this fine community (aka owl_in_shower). I am the new and improved co-mod. With that, I'd like to say a few things that the main mod and I are a little annoyed about.

One is god modding. Please, refrain doing this. Slight infractions of this rule will not be punished because sometimes you need it. But if it's constant and involves a large amount of god modding, you will be warned and if it does not cease, you will be banned from this RP.

What is god modding?
God modding is making a character from this RP that belongs to someone other than yourself do whatever you want to do. For example, (this is a MADE UP EXAMPLE)
"Posting as Helena:

Helena walked in and saw Anderson. Anderson winked and spanked Helena. They later engaged in buttsex."
You CANNOT do this, so please stop. It is allowed only if you have been granted permission from the person who RPs as the character you're god modding.

Another thing we are a little bothered about is the inactivity of a few characters. There are people who want to be in this RP, but can't because all the main characters are taken up. If you don't become active (unless you have some sort of emergency and you won't be able to post, in which case, you should inform the mods of your departure), you will be taken off the list.

Players that are in danger of getting taken off (higher you are on the list, the more likely you are to get removed from RPing):
Person who Rps as Pip

There are still a few other characters that haven't RPed much lately, I seriously hope I won't have to add you to the list. If you're one of the characters I just mentioned and you want to continue RPing, please become more active in this community.

Sorry for being so strict ^^;
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RONALDO RETURNS YET AGAIN [07 Oct 2005|06:32pm]

After the dance off was over (which he totally won... even though he settled for a draw BECAUSE RONALDO IS A GOOD SPORT LIKE THAT... he was also slightly distracted by Alucard's girly form), Ronaldo settled down and started to unpack his things from the trip he just arrived from.

Speaking of the trip, it was wonderful. Ronaldo was called up to an office in Oak Brook, IL.... IT WAS THE PEOPLE FROM McDONALD'S! :O! Ronaldo was slightly nervous because he might have been called up there to get punished for what Anderson and Alucard did 2 years ago when they saw each other in the McDonald's (345.65 people died, 3243193 people wounded, and 7 cats were killed). But, as it turned out, they didn't call him in for that. Instead, they asked him to be the Corporation's MASCOT! Replacing the clown because they thought that he was "TOTALLY GAY" and fired him because they are homophobic bastards. So, they turned to the most heterosexual, manly man on the Earth (Ronaldo, of course) and asked him to be the mascot. Ronaldo immediately accepted the role.

This was the first picture he took as the mascot/spokesperson of McDonald's.

And since he is Anderson's father, he told them that Anderson could be used to replace Grimace ("the big, gay, purple dude," according to the CEO of McDonald's) and here was the picture the took of Anderson. (sorry for the slight godmodding ^^;)

These also agreed to rename McDonald's. The new name will be "Ronaldo's" and will change the name of the famous Big Mac to "Big Mac Daddy" which was one of Ronaldo's nicknames when he was growin' up in da hood. Here is the first store to be renovated.

He didn't volunteer Heinkel for anything because she's a woman and according to McDonald's, they wanted a tough guy attitude (which actually is sorta like Heinkel).


"Sooo.... what'd I miss everyone?" Ronaldo said as he was finished unpacking, "I know about Enrico and Integra because of all the squeeing I heard in America..."
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[03 Oct 2005|10:41am]

The time has finally come.

We must settle this grudge once, and for all.

No more staring contests. No more looking at your opponent through a one-way mirror to study their tactics.

It's time, Ronaldo. It's time.


Walter laid out a large cardboard mat about 10x10 feet on the grass in the backyard. He flicked on the stereo to infinitely loop "Ass n' Titties" ((http://s65.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=3PWHSO5QQLQTR0V67WH717XJ18))

A large poster on the refridgerator explained it all:

"Old man breakdance contest, 2PM backyard. Bring it on."

EDIT: Flyer looks like this:

flyerCollapse )
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[02 Oct 2005|11:25pm]

[ mood | shocked ]

In an attempt to rid his mind of the horror of possibly seeing something VERY INAPPROPRIATE going on with a Old English butler, Japanese nun, Nazi catboy, some unknown creepy little girl and a copy of the Karma Sutra, Luke retreated to his hiding spot out in the garage to surf the net on his laptop.

Stumbled across Hot Hellsing Housemates, saw the pictures of him and Jan in the pool....pictures labeled 'yaoi'....the captions very descriptive, graphic and implying the brothers were....

Luke screamed.

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